Man’s Best Friend must get the @#$& off of my bed.

I know I’ve said it before, but let me say it again, Greg loves our dog Juno.  Not just on a, “Oh, he’s so cute,” level or even a, “He’s such a good dog” level.  No, he loves Juno more than anything else in the world, even me, his loving wife!


A few nights ago, we had one of our typical middle-of-the-night conversations and it went something like this:

“Greg, wake up.  Wake up and quit hogging the bed.  Kick Juno off, you guys are pinning me to the edge.”

“Huh?  What?  No way, he has seniority.”

“What do you mean he has seniority?”

“Well, he came to bed before you did, so technically he’s been here longer and you should be the one that has to move, not him.”

Moment of annoyed silence and then…

“Gregory John LeFlufy, wake up and let go of the damn dog before I knock you both off the bed.  I can’t sleep with you two hogging it.”

A moment of commotion, some rustling and a thud as the dog jumps off of the bed and, suddenly, I have some room and some blanket again.


“Yah, whatever, me and Juno are going to get our own bed so you’ll stop nagging us.”

A loud thud and a string of expletives as Greg hits the floor because I’ve shoved him out of bed, and a snicker of laughter from me.

“Fine, how about you and he go sleep on the pull out couch and we’ll start calling it “your bed” from now on.

A few more moments of swearing and then…

“Sorry boo, I’m half asleep, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“Yah, yah, get back in bed you big oaf.”

I’d like to say that this is the first such conversation we’ve had, but that would be a big, fat lie.  The real truth of it is that we have a king sized bed and four nights out of the week, I wake up pinned to the edge while Greg lays sprawled out on a diagonal and Juno lays full out perpendicular to him.  That leaves me with a tiny corner and, yes, it annoys me.  Juno will always jump off the bed if I tell him to, but inevitably, I’ve been waking up and he’s been pinned in by one of Greg’s legs or he’s sleeping under his arm, so he can’t move unless Greg wakes up.  Basically, my 31 year old husband sleeps with a 50 lb living teddy bear and, like all children who have security blankets, he’s reluctant to give his up.


A few months ago, we tried a week without the dog sleeping with us and, even though Juno was perfectly fine sleeping on his own bed, Greg woke me up twice a night to ask if Juno could come up to sleep.  I’d say no, he’d grumble and go back to sleep, only to wake up in the morning in a crabby mood.  I’d wake up feeling as though I had a fantastic sleep (for the first time in  a long while!).  But, after nearly a week of Greg walking around with the air of a zombiesk martyr, I realized that he really couldn’t have a good night’s sleep if his best little buddy wasn’t around to cuddle.  And so, I gave in and, once again Ju Ju was sleeping with us, I was pinned on the edge and Greg was happy as a kid who’s just found his long lost security blanket.

Just look at them. How can anyone think that isn’t adorable?  My big, burly, bushman, redneck husband and his lil teddy bear, sleeping away the morning.  *sigh*

dsc_0011I don’t mind so much anymore, though.  I’m a woman and we enjoy being right most of the time and, admittedly, getting our way and I got my way.  No dog on the bed for a week and then his return to the bed only after I said it was okay.  A battle, even though it was minute, had been won and victory was all mine.

3 thoughts on “Man’s Best Friend must get the @#$& off of my bed.

  1. Hahaha:) I love it!! It reminds me of Kolby, Marbles and I. Some nights Kolby sneaks into my bed, I don’t typically like sleeping with him but it does make a mom feel good to know that her son still needs her sometimes due to bad dreams or what have you. Well, during those nights I typically wake up to feet in my ribs, teeth grinding the s*&^ out of themselves, or the most disgusting sound of thumb sucking (Yes he still sucks his thumb, what do you want me to do cut it off?). Well, during those particular moments of annoyance I typically kick him (not to hard) or push him (only enough to wake him) and tell him he needs to either sleep quietly with his feet to himself or go back to his bed. He always gets up and goes to his bed and I am left saying “Hey, where are you going?” and a little sad that he decided on that solution. Weird hey??!! And Marbles, well you know how big she is. She insists on sleeping beside me on the left hand side of the bed, which also happens to be my side. Well, as you know I have the whole queen size bed to myself. I move her to the right hand side continuously as I am worried of kicking her off the bed by accident in the middle of the night. After about four or five tosses to the other side of the bed she just jumps onto the floor and sleeps beside me (on the left hand side) on the floor. I feel bad for a few moments every single night…….well, okay not so much anymore. Seriously, what is her obsession with the left hand side??? Aren’t dogs suppose to be your ‘right hand man’? She was riased by a cat……..maybe she is confused?

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