We laughed so much during the week we were in Mexico that I’ve had to break up the stories into a few entries or I would be writing for hours and you’d all lose interest! Today I’m choosing to write about my brief spate as a Crow and dancing the Aztec Two Step!
We’ve all heard about it, the dreaded Aztec Two Step or, as it’s more commonly known, Montezuma’s revenge – it’s the colloquial term for TD (Traveller’s Diarrhea)- and, while I have no idea why they would name such a thing after an Aztec dude who was defeated by a Spanish Conquistador way back when, it kind of blows (no pun intended).
Day number three in sunny, beautiful, inviting Mexico and I ordered a Tuna Salad Sandwich for lunch. It took just under an hour to make its way to where Molly and I reclined, poolside, and there were a pile of hot fries in between its two halves, so I had no way of telling if it was cold or hot before I got it. I did what any half-starved, half-drunk Canadian would do (because I hate to waste food), I ate every last bit of it. Yummers! After lunch we headed down to the beach for a little Seadoing (is that even a word?) and some beachy breeze time. As we were basking in the sun and breathing in the salty sea air, a nice englishman named Steve stopped by for a visit and signed us up for a snorkeling tour two days hence. Woo Hoo, I thought. I looooooove snorkeling. I was stoked, but my excitement was short lived because approximately three hours after my yummy lunch, I started dancing the Aztec Two Step like I was a finalist in a Canadian Country Cabaret Dance Off.
Lie down. Jump up. Walk briskly to nearest bathroom. Sit down and hum the national anthem while belly jumps and gurgles. Wash hands and return to poolside. Lie down. Jump up. Walk briskly to nearest bathroom. Sit down and recite “Miles To Go Before I Sleep” by Robert Frost while belly jumps and gurgles and twists and leaves me feeling, generally, as though I were dying. Wash hands and return to poolside. Lie down. Jump up. Run flat out to nearest bathroom and recite “The Diarrhea Song” (it’s a real song, Google it) in my head while belly does a spastic hoola and acts as though it’s on the twistiest roller coaster I’ve ever been on. Cry a little. Wash hands. Wet down feverish face. Return to poolside, etc. We’ve all been there. It wasn’t pretty. It got worse as the day drew to a close and bothered me for two more days, but that’s not the worst part.
For any of you who have seen Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman in The Long Way Down, this next part of the story will crack you up!
The day after we’d signed up for El Snorkelero Touro (that’s my version of spanish, I just add “o” to the end of everything because I’m abysmal at learning other languages), my belly was still bothering me, so we decided to skip the tour the next day and we headed to the Concierge desk to cancel it. My brother and I walked up to the counter and he explained to the lady that we wanted to cancel our trip the following afternoon. She asked why and I told her that I wasn’t feeling very well and my brother, with a totally serious face, looked right at her and said, “Yah, Jo is NOT farting with confidence right now.” At first I was a tiny bit appalled that he’d mentioned that to the lady, but then my sense of humor got the better of me and I burst out laughing (it was also a relief that the lady had NO idea what he was talking about) and we laughed about it for about a half hour (and, if truth be told, we’re still laughing about it). Not farting with confidence…lol.
Most people would assume, if they book into a 5 Star resort, that the patrons will not only behave themselves, but that they are probably well to do and a tad sophisticated – I was so sorry to disappoint them! A couple of days before Mike & Molly’s wedding, we had to venture over to the adjacent resort, the Mayan Palace, to meet with the wedding coordinator, Jasmine, so they could finalize all the deets. I was wearing a bathing suit and a new sarong I’d bought the day before and I was feeling totally choc full of energy because I’d finally stopped dancing the Aztec Two Step and had eaten a hearty and delicious breakfast. While we were waiting for Jasmine, I was walking around, checking the lobby out, when the sudden urge hit me to take off my sarong and pretend it was wings. Then I ran, jumping through the lobby (which was thankfully not very occupied at that moment) yelling, “Cacaw, Cacaw” at the top of my lungs for a few seconds. I’m not sure what kind of fiendish trickster took over me at that moment, but it sure made Molly laugh out loud (or should I say snort) at my antics and made my brother laugh and shake his head, as if to say, “Who knows why she does the things she does?” Greg, of course, just rolled his eyes as though I do crazy things like that all the time. As if…LOL!
One thing’s for sure. I bet the employees of the Mayan Palace were ecstatic that we were guests at The Grand Mayan and that they didn’t have to put up with me on a regular basis.
Now that I’ve entertained you with a couple more stories from Mexico, here are a few more pics from our trip.
Greg did a little pool scuba diving with the lovely Jessica.
We enjoyed hanging out in the private Palapas (poolside beds). Great for relaxing out of the sun and grabbing a nap in the heat of the day.
Me and Greggor, hanging out Palapas Style.
There was a man made reef right off our beach and we managed to spend an hour or two snorkeling and checking out the local fish life.
And I even got a nice mouthful of salt water while we were taking a bit of a break. Yum! Mike just happened to capture my face when it happened!!
I look SO impressed in the next picture. It makes me laugh. I was trying to redo my toenail polish, but it was so hot out that it kept drying as I applied it and ended up looking like a big mess. I ended up removing it all and redoing it inside.
And while I’m at it, I should show some pics of our room(s). AH MA ZING!
Do you see the painting above the bed in the next pic? Greg called it The Watermelon because he said it looks like the lady in it got hit by a watermelon. Hilarious.
The best part about our room was that Greg could sit in the jacuzzi tub after a long day and watch the big screen TV through the doors to the bathroom (that opened up to make the room even larger. Suh weet!
Tomorrow I’ll be posting the Mike & Molly’s wedding pics from the day of their wedding. The Day After/Trash The Dress pics will probably be posted by Thursday afternoon.
Goodnight ya’ll. I wish you enough.