Shortly after we lost her, I decided to write about Cora’s story in order to avoid the probability of having to provide explanations for questions such as, “What happened?”
Recently, people have started asking us if we know what killed her yet.
Unfortunately, we still do not know what happened to cause our baby to go from a healthy, if early, newborn, to sick and braindead in only little more than one day. We won’t have any answers until November 2nd when we get her autopsy and metabolic test results back.
Each day of not knowing carries with it an element of torture and we both spend too much time speculating and second guessing our actions and, admittedly, Cora’s caregivers’ actions as well. We’ve been told that this is a perfectly normal reaction to expect from grieving parents, especially if they don’t know what happened to their child. Not knowing is always infinitely worse than knowing, even if the knowing is horrific, so we do our best to remind each other to try not to think about it too much and to just wait for the results. It still creeps in every time we let our guards down. *sigh*
It has been almost 16 weeks since I originally posted the story of our journey with Cora. Since then, Greg and I have gone through every roller coaster emotion you can imagine – bone-weary heartbreak, hysterical laughter, rage, hate, jealousy, envy, numbness, helplessness, hilarity, etc. We never know what a new day will bring for us, but we do know a couple of things for sure. We will love and miss our daughter every day for the rest of our lives and we are forever humbled by the hundreds of people who have let us know that our journey with Cora has deeply affected them – the way they look at life, interact with their children and treat others.
No, she wasn’t here for long and only Greg and I (and the teams who worked on her) were able to meet her and share her journey, but in the 30 hours she was here, she started something amazing. Something miraculous. Something beautiful. And each time we hear someone say, “Your story has made me realize how blessed I am to have my children,” or, “Cora is spreading love all over the place without even being around,” our hearts mend a little bit more and our moods lighten.
I just wanted to say thanks for caring and thanks for spreading the message that the world needs more love.
If you’d like to read my original post, you can do so here.
Enjoy your Monday, peeps. I wish you all enough…