One of my FB friends from the Derby world posted this as her status the other day: “Who doesn’t appreciate dead baby jokes…”. Well, in a nutshell, me. Even though I’m sure she meant it to be funny in some morbid way, it sure didn’t seem funny when I logged onto FB and saw it staring at me. I have a fairly open-minded and relaxed sense of humor, too, but nothing about dead babies strikes me as funny. Nothing.
Tomorrow (actually, later today), we have an appointment with our OB to go over Cora’s long-awaited (FIVE F’N MONTHS LONG AWAITED) autopsy results. I thought I would be so relieved when we finally got the call that they were in, but I spent yesterday in a big, tense ball of anxiety and I haven’t slept a wink yet. I’ve been doing my best to stifle my imagination and push down those “what if” kind of thoughts, but it’s a tad difficult since I’ve had five months to speculate about the cause of our daughter’s death.
I thought I would get busy on a G&A post because it’s been awhile and I need to get a few things off of my chest.
Today’s Attitude goes out to:
- People who complain about their kids – how much work they are, how they don’t listen, how they never let you get any sleep, how much of an adjustment they are, etc.. I understand that people get caught up in the stress and everyday toil of raising kids and I get that it’s hard work, but kids are a HUGE privilege – a blessing that not just anyone is given – so suck it up and try to remember how lucky you are. Maybe try to imagine for a few minutes how empty and lost and devastated you would be if you suddenly lost your kids. Think about how ridiculous all that complaining and moaning would seem then. I know that, had my son lived more than a few minutes or had our daughter lived to see her first birthday, there would be times when I was worn out, stressed, at my wits end with them, but I would have, literally, bitten off my tongue before complaining about being a parent. When I hear parents complain about their children, I want to dragon kick them in the face with my roller skates on, repeatedly.
- Premier Gordon Campbell. Like I said, how ’bout you come on over and kiss 15% of my ass. Perhaps, if you hadn’t run BC Education and Health Care funding and services into the ground or removed subsidies for old folks and people with disabilities or kicked my photography business in the face with your genius HST idea, I would think you’re an alright guy…nah, I think you suck. Goodbye!
- Fireworks. Oh-so-pretty, but not so delightful for Juno The Wonderdog who freaks out and shakes uncontrollably for hours every Halloween while fireworks go off all over our neighborhood. Egads!
- Dead baby jokes. Seriously, not cool. Not even remotely cool.
Phew, I feel so much better.
Today’s Gratitude goes out to:
- Derby. The best grief therapy on wheels a girl could ask for. And my girls, for always having such awesome attitudes, for trusting my coaching abilities, and for letting your voices be heard and putting your hearts and souls into making our league a warm and welcoming place to exercise and learn. We are at 33 peeps now and I am continually amazed at how well everything is going. I am in love with this sport and the amazing people who are involved with it too.
- Gregory John LeFlufy. Best husband ever. I’m sorry you’ve been having such a rough week, Cora-wise, but I’m grateful that you are still managing to make me laugh each and every day despite our broken hearts. Love you, you big oaf.
- Junovious Prime (aka Juno The Wonderdog). Still making us laugh every day.
- Pyro Plastic Alice. Your enthusiasm and passion and zest continually remind me that life is meant to be lived and have often stopped my grief in its tracks lately and perked me up. There is an energy in you that is completely magnetic – positive, caring, contagious – and I love the vibe you share with everyone you come into contact with. You, my friend, are an amazing, hilarious, totally lovable lady. I heart you!
- T-Bone. No matter what kind of day I’m having, I can always be sure that you know EXACTLY how I feel and will be here to make me smile or let me cry on your virtual shoulder. I sure hope that wherever our daughters are, they know that they have brought us together and they are toasting their success…with sippy cups of milk 😉
That’s it for me. I’m still not tired and will most likely get no sleep at all tonight, but at least I feel better after having vented to the world.
Good night peeps. I wish you all enough…