Welcome To My Gong Show – Bran Cereal And A Missing Husband

Yes, today was a bit of a Gong Show ( I apologize for all you youngsters out there who do not remember that TV show and are shaking your heads and wondering what a Gong Show is – google it!).

I woke up at 7 a.m. to find Juno snuggled into his usual spot – laying stretched out on Greg’s side of the bed with his head on Greg’s pillow. I yawned, stretched, jumped out of bed and headed straight for the coffee pot, only to remember that I can’t have caffeine while I’m cleansing all of my systems. Egads! No caffeine? How will I ever make it through the day???? Literally dumbfounded, I stood in the kitchen for a full five minutes, scratching my head and wondering how I would get the day started without my usual routine of coffee, PB & J toast and an apple. I can’t have any of those things right now because they are not conducive to the strict regimen of the always popular colon cleanse! Instead, I ate a bowl of bran cereal (GAG!) with Almond Milk (which I’m not supposed to have right now – already cheating on Day 2) and stared forlornly at the wall, thinking of how yucky pooptastic the next few weeks will be while I’m cleaning out my systems, one by one.

I finished breakfast, fired up my computer and set to work editing the last of my fall shoots. I’d been working for a few hours when the phone rang. Our friend Darrell’s number came up on the call display and I thought to myself, That’s strange. Greg and Darrell are out hunting together right now, how can Darrell be phoning? It wasn’t Darrell. It was Darrell’s wife, Kerri, and she was calling to let me know that my dear husband was missing. Wha?

It turns out that the boys had arrived at their destination and Greg had gone one way while Darrell and his son had gone the other. They had plans to meet back at the truck within 30 minutes and Greg had not come back. Darrell and his son had looked for him for two hours and couldn’t find him anywhere and Darrell was starting to panic. Awesome!

At first, I wasn’t worried because not only does Greg have an uncanny sense of direction, but he also had his cell phone and his SPOT Finder with him (a device that sends his GPS coordinates to my email and phone every 30 minutes to let me know he is okay and that also sends a message and coordinates to 911 if he hasn’t pushed the “I’m ok” button in more than two hours and his SPOT is still turned on). Well, at least I thought he had them until Kerri told me that he’d left both in Darrell’s truck. Of all the idiotic things a hunter could possibly do… Despite this bit of news, I still wasn’t worried too much. He’d hunted in that area before.  I quickly ran through all of the possibilities in my head.

Maybe he shot a deer and he’s busy dressing it? No, he wouldn’t have left Darrell and Ethan waiting around at the truck, even if he’d shot something. He would have hiked back to them and had them help him with it. Next…

Maybe he fell and he’s twisted or broken an ankle and is hobbling out of the bush so it’s taking him a long time?  Nah, I can’t see that either. He’s too careful when he’s bushwacking. He wants to be as quiet as possible so he doesn’t startle any deer. Therefore he watches where he walks. Next…

Maybe he accidentally shot himself? As if, he’s not stupid. He’s a careful and well-educated hunter. I know it has happened to many people, but he would be the last person in the world to do that. Next…

Maybe he’s lost? Nah, I can’t count the number of times he’s dragged me into the bush and I’ve felt like we’re completely lost and will never make it back to civilization and he’s always, unerringly, guided us back out with ease. Next…

After that, I stopped those wheels from spinning and started some others in motion. I called a few of his friends and sent them to meet Darrell so they could all cover some territory. I called Searh & Rescue and informed them of the situation and put them in touch with Darrell. I posted a message on FB about how Greg was missing (just for a little moral support) and I texted a few people to let them know what was going on. Then I sat back, drumming my fingers, and waited…and waited…and waited…

By 1:30 p.m., when Greg had now been missing five hours and I still hadn’t heard anything from the guys who were searching, I started to get worried. The SAR people had just called to tell me that they were about to send the chopper up and send out the teams to search for him. Dang. If they’re sending out the posse, this can’t be a good thing. I cannot possibly handle any more tragedy in my lifetime. I am done. Finished. Kaput. If anything bad has happened to my husband, I am going to have a complete and total mental breakdown. I will end up in the looney bin because all of my carefully crafted strength and resolve from the past six months (and really, a long, long time before that) is going to collapse on my head and send me careening out of control. And, as an afterthought, if this turns out to be nothing major, I am going to beat the crap out of Greg between bouts of fiercely hugging him…

Just as I was starting to feel some real fear seeping in and just as my imagination was starting to rework my earlier questions and wonder if I had dismissed them too quickly, I got a call from Shannon with news that her husband, Jay, had found Greg and that he was just fine.

Talk about a huge feeling of relief and, admittedly, a deep and abiding irritation with my oh-so-careless significant other. He had better have a VERY good explanation for this or I’m going to make the next bit of his life very miserable. Of course, even though I was irritated, that irritation didn’t really have much conviction behind it. I was just ecstatic that he was alright and that he’d be home soon enough and I could make sure he was, indeed, alright.

When he finally arrived home, freezing, hungry and ridiculously chagrined by the entire situation, I didn’t really have the heart to even pretend to yell at him. I didn’t trust myself to go to him and hug him just yet, either, because I felt as though I would lose my mind a bit if I didn’t let myself calm down. So, to avoid blubbering all over him, I stayed seated on the couch and calmly asked him what happened.

I was coming back down a familiar path to meet Darrell and I saw a new spot that I’d never taken before so I thought I’d check it out. Somehow I just got all turned around and couldn’t find my way back.

Simple as that. Mr. I-Never-Need-Directions got lost.

Hmmm, I quipped. Have we learned anything from this experience????

Yes, he replied. I will never leave my SPOT finder, cell phone or GPS in the truck ever again – even if I’m only going for a short hike.

He finished by saying, This has not been a very good day, with slumped shoulders and a hanging head.

How can a girl be mad at that? I’m pretty stoked that our scare had a happy ending and that my guy is safe at home with me again. The day didn’t start out very well, but it sure had a happy ending  – something neither of us have seen much of lately.

Good night, my friends. I wish you all enough…

One thought on “Welcome To My Gong Show – Bran Cereal And A Missing Husband

  1. Shame on that man! Glad to hear that he has learned his lesson! Jeepers, the stress! So glad that you have that big network of trusted friends who dropped everything to go help find him. What a wonderful testament to the kind of people you are and attract as friends! Keepers one and all! Happy ending day….nice.

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