Whew! It’s been awhile since I blogged about anything and I am really feeling the lack of personal expression in my actions. Note to self: blogging is therapeutic for you. Don’t let this happen again or insanity may ensue.
The last week has been, in a nutshell, pure blah, and it all culminated this morning with the six month mark of Cora’s death. I’ve been doing quite well with not counting anymore, but one of my friends had her daughter on the same day that we had Cora (June 2nd) and I saw her FB status this morning about her daughter’s six month birthday, so it reminded me. My subconscious knew anyway, but I think I was trying to suppress it. It hurts so much still and I spend a lot of my time ignoring the pain and trying to carry it around, but sometimes it breaks through my defenses. I miss her. I miss what could have been. 😦
There’s been a lot of drama in my life lately (some of it created by me) and today has been a good excuse to sit back and evaluate myself. We all need a good reality check once in awhile and I appreciate these because they bring me back to what is important and they remind me about the undesirable parts of myself that can take over if I let my guard down. Psst…Crazy control freak Jo, you need to take a hike. Sheesh.
Today is a good day for a little Gratitude & Attitude. It’s always beneficial to get your negative feelings off of your chest and out of your psyche, but it’s also important to remember to be grateful for the little things.
Today’s Attitude goes out to:
- Troy Gentry for shooting a tame bear, named Cubby (back in 2004) with his bow in a “staged hunt”. The owner of the game preserve where Cubby lived (who is just as guilty as Troy) helped him set it up because the bear had developed dental problems. I used to love Montgomery Gentry, but Troy Gentry is an asshole who deserves to be shot in the face with a ball of his own shit. (Yes, I’m swearing because I am just that sickened over something so inhumane.) He was charged, but got off with a $15000 fine and a slap on the wrist for killing a nearly defenseless animal. What a hero. Dear Troy: I hope you develop some cavities and someone chases you through your backyard with a bow and shoots your stupid ass dead.
- Renovations. I know I will love the outcome, but my house looks like a tornado tore through it. I hate clutter. It disrupts my thought process and creativity and I have four bazillion pics to edit right now. Creativity is a must when editing. garrr (spoken in my best pirate voice!)
- Mom. Where the #$%^ are you? I can’t feel you again and I could really use some good dream conversations with you right now. Why do you choose to disappear when I need you to help me work stuff out?
And now for the good part.
Today’s Gratitude goes out to:
- Celestial Beatings for reminding me that I’m not perfect and to give myself a break once in awhile when I screw things up. Thanks for making me laugh at my own inadequacies – that’s true friendship and I appreciate you for it. This leads me to the next thing I’m grateful for.
- The TCDD Board of Directors. Sure, we have our kinks to work out and we don’t always see things the same way, but I value each and every one of you for all the ridiculous work you put in to make this league flourish and for all that you have done and will do in the future. I think Shawna’s tarot card the other night was correct after all. Perhaps some of my dreams are coming true. 🙂
- Chelsea Blair of Aradia Fitness for setting up an all day pole dancing/boudoir shoot for me last Sunday. That was awesometastical. I love, love, looooooove shooting boudoir in new ways and your studio produced some amazing shots. Well, the crazy good pole dancing helped too! I can’t wait to do it again because now I have a ton of creative ideas floating around in my brain.
- The always hilarious and oh-so-fun Coach Lime from Edmonton for coming out here to do a mini skills camp with our skaters and for teaching me how to skills test my ladies last weekend even though you were SO sick. You are a trooper and I totally appreciate you. I also appreciate all of your insights into coaching, derby dynamics and all other things derby related. Big hugs my friend. I hope you are feeling better.
- All of the ladies who gave their all to skills testing. My heart nearly burst out of my chest with pride as I watched you all. You’ve come a long way in a short time and I happen to think you’re all fabulous.
- Gwyneth Paltrow’s new country song Country Strong. That song sums up my entire life right now and I sing it all day long. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time and it’s been awhile since I’ve connected with a song so much. And who knew she could sing country so well???
- Lastly, but most important, Greg for working all day and then coming home to lay laminate in my studio and our bedroom because he knows how much I thrive on change! He really is the best husband I’ve ever had and he’s also one of my besties and just an all around good guy. I’m super fly lucky to have him, even if he does pass an excessive amount of gas every day! pffffft
That’s it. I actually managed to stay away from my computers for more than six hours today. That is unheard of for me, but it felt good.
Here’s a sneak peak of some boudoir pics I’ll be posting soon because posts are always better with pics.
Goodnight my friends. I wish you all enough…