It was a Thursday at 8:36 p.m. exactly 316 days ago that the doctors at Children’s Hospital unplugged our daughter’s life support system and I held her quietly in my arms and said goodbye as she gave up her fight. 10 months and 12 days ago our lives were drastically altered and ever since, I’ve hated every Thursday that has passed. Even on Thursdays when I’m too busy to think, the fact that another week has passed without Cora never escapes my attention and my heart usually aches for the entire day, even when I’m smiling.
Today was different.
Today I woke up, opened my eyes and smiled.
What made this Thursday different from every other Thursday in the last 316 days?
Quite simply, me!
I’ve had enough of this constant pain riding me around like an unwanted spider monkey. So last night, right before I closed my eyes, I told myself over and over that today would be a good day. I decided that it is time to start letting go of some of the negative, sadness-inducing triggers that remind me of Cora – starting with Thursdays. After all, the only person who can help me move on and live my life is me.
I had ONE stabbing pain in my heart today and it only lasted a brief moment because as soon as I felt it poke through my good mood, I reminded myself that today was a good day.
And it was.
I’m not sure about tomorrow or next week or next month, but today was good and if I can make a Thursday into a good day, I can do anything.
Good night, my friends. I wish you all enough…