Goodbye Baby David

Even though it has been 19 months since our Cora died and I feel that loss every single day, sometimes things happen that bring me right back to the moment she grew cold in my arms and I plummet right back into that black, endless pit of despair that her death threw me into.

Today, I learned that a friend of mine and her family lost her premie nephew down at BC Children’s after he fought for a couple of months to live.

My heart aches for the Wiebe and Onyango families today. I don’t know David’s parents, but I’ve followed his struggles and triumphs through his auntie’s Facebook statuses. I do know exactly how much their loss hurts and it’s brought me right back to my own ongoing struggle with grief and pain. Mine is dulling with time I’m strong enough to carry it around on my shoulders wherever I go now. Theirs is heavy and sharp and they have an extremely difficult road ahead of them, so I wish them all the strength they’ll need to learn how to carry the pain of little David’s loss around on their shoulders and hope their support system is healthy and vast.

And I hope my Cora is somewhere out there welcoming David back into the pool of souls he came from (or wherever your spiritual beliefs dictate he has come from and gone to).

I’ll get back to regular blogging tomorrow, but tonight I’m going to think about my baby girl and baby David and remember how grateful I am to have what I have and who I have in my life that has made my journey through grief bearable.

Goodnight, my friends. I wish you all enough…

Miss her more than I can say.

8 thoughts on “Goodbye Baby David

  1. Oh Jo my heart breaks as I read this blog post. I am so sorry for their loss… its horrible how something like this will bring you back to that moment in time. my heart is with you and baby david’s family.

  2. My heart aches for you to be brought back to that moment. To you and little baby david’s family; my heart and thoughts are with you. Every moment we have turns into a memory that turns into a treasure. These babies a true treasures that have touched many. All my thoughts…..

  3. My thoughts and prayers are with Davids family and as always with you and Cora. Jo, u don’t know me, I am Molly’s sisters friend. I have followed you since Mike & Molly married. I feel like I should know u. My heart ached for you these past 18 months. However I look forward to your gratitude attitude blog. I have not lost or had a sick child. I was blessed with 4 healthy and beautiful children ages now 26, 22, 19 and 16. And this past august. We were blessed with a beautiful grandson.
    I wanted u to know, with your blog you have helped me. You see my children almost lost their Mother in April of 2009. I was put in ICU for 7 days and then another 10 days in medical. I went into septic shock and was given a less then 10% chance of surviving the first night. I was not coherent but could here my kids. That made me fight for my life. These past couple of years I have had all those feelings – angry, sad, happy, guilt etc. I was angry with myself for putting my children through that pain. I still feel guilty because I am not the same Mom and they don’t deserve this. BUT then YOU and your blog came along and you picked me up. I am so sorry for all of the loss you have gone through Jo. But thank you for your blogging! You have made me a better person 🙂

  4. They may be gone but forever we will have tiny footprints on our hearts. I hate to say it but it never gets any easier. I said goodbye to my little Mardie nine years ago. I only ever got to meet her through the walls of my tummy and on the ultrasound screen. I feel yours and David’s family’s pain. Hugs to you all.

  5. I wish we never had to connect this way. I wish both Cora and David were healthy, strong little ones still present in our lives. Thank you for thinking of him. We are devastated as you very well know. We’ll never forget….we’ll miss him every day.

  6. Hi Michelle. I too am sad that this is the circumstance under which we meet. I am only a phone call or cup of coffee away if you need to talk to someone who can relate to how you are feeling. There is also an Infant Loss support group here in town (contact julie@jletkeman.com). Hugs to you.

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