It has been an ongoing struggle for me since I started shooting women in 2009, this constant need to convince my clients and potential clients that they are beautiful, RIGHT NOW, and they don’t have to wait until the stars align perfectly before they will be able to feel beautiful.
I constantly struggle against a tsunami of excuses women make for not wanting me to shoot them; not wanting anyone to shoot them.
I’m not thin enough. I need to lose x amount of pounds first.
I’m not photogenic. I’ll probably break your camera.
I never photograph well.
I have too many stretch marks.
My hair isn’t long enough.
My ass is too large.
My nose is too big.
I don’t like my eyes
I don’t like my legs
I don’t like my…
I’m too shy
I don’t have enough time
I’ll call you in a few months when I’ve had time to think about it…
It’s always the same excuses, in one form or another, from so many women I meet.
Every single one I hear comes down to fear and fear rules so many people’s lives and holds so many people back.
So many of the women I speak to about boudoir sessions hand me these excuses because, I believe, they are afraid. I can see it in their faces, hear it in their voices. They are afraid that the photos will confirm what they believe – that they are too fat, too thin, not pretty enough, not desirable enough, not sexy enough, not fit enough. Not good enough
It makes me want to pull my hair out and stomp my feet. One of the laws of the universe is that if you believe it then it must be true. If you always believe you are broke, then you will always be broke. If you believe you are rich, then you will be rich. If you believe you are too big, too small, unattractive, not worthy of anything, etc. then you will be all of those things.
No one with this kind of mentality will ever be able to see the beauty and worth in herself. She will always find flaws, always find fault, always find something that sheds her in a negative light and pushes her farther away from loving who she is at this moment.
I know, I’ve blogged about this before and it’s must sound as though I’m a broken record, skipping back to the same old speech time and again. But I’ve seen this with so many women, time and again, and it pisses me off.
Where did all of these women learn that they have to fear being themselves? Why can’t they look in the mirror, every day, and accept who they are at this moment instead of waiting for the day when they will finally be everything they wish they were?
Guess what ladies, that day will never come. If you continue to think along the lines of if only I were… you will spend the rest of your life never living up to your unrealistic expectations. They are called delusions for a reason!
Wouldn’t it be easier to just embrace who you are? Wouldn’t it be easier to take a realistic look at yourself and realize that we all have flaws and we can all use improvement and change, but at a fundamental level, we are who we were meant to be and that deserves to be recognized and embraced?
If you are a woman who spends most of your time playing the If only I were game with yourself and if you spend nearly all of your energy trying to become someone you wish you were and refusing to acknowledge who you are now, STOP! Seriously, just STOP. You’re only perpetuating your own misery and, trust me, you will only ever be truly happy when you accept yourself, as is, at this moment, and continue to do so every single day. It’s really that easy. This doesn’t mean you should stop trying to improve and grow, but that you should be realistic and take off your illusory goggles so you can see yourself in the true light of day, every day.
I am not jabbering on about this so you will come and see me and have a session. That is, seriously, the last thing on my mind as I write this. I am simply sick to death of hearing so many women throw up excuses to hide their fear of who they really are.
We are ALL beautiful. We deserve to feel beautiful – inside and out- every day, no matter what. Beauty is what you make it, not what society tells you it should be. If you put beauty up on a pedestal where it means you must meet a list of criteria you’ve dreamed up before you can achieve it, you will NEVER find true beauty within yourself- all of the individual, completely unique and complex aspects that make you who you are.
The first step is to let go of your fear and allow yourself to feel and see your own inherent beauty.
Do it. Right now. What the hell are you waiting for? Go!
For any women out there who are ruled by your fear and, as such, are not ready for a boudoir session with yours truly, I am now offering Contemporary Portraits for women. A nice alternative to have some beautiful photos taken of yourself without the need for taking any of your clothes off!