I could be grateful that I’m not a vegetarian or that I’m not part of a satanic cult, but today I’m grateful that I’m not an asshole. Well, I guess some people might actually believe that I am an asshole, but I don’t really care what other people think about me, so whatevs.
Where is this coming from? Hmmm…let’s see…
Recently, one of my very best friends on the entire planet was accused of being a bully by a member of her family. Not only that, but she was also accused of being a liar. When she told me about this, I nearly choked to death on my coffee (don’t worry, I recovered and I’ll be okay. Thanks for being so concerned!) because ANYONE who knows my girl would laugh hysterically at this ridiculous accusation. She is, hands down, the kindest, most sensitive, most loving, caring, giving, nurturing chick I’ve ever known. She hardly ever…EVER…has anything derogatory to say about anyone and, when she does, it’s always phrased along the lines of, “such and such is acting this way, but I know it’s because he or she has a lot going on right now or because he or she has a mental illness…”. I’ve been friends with her going on 13 years and I have a giant bullshit detector built into my psyche and this girl wouldn’t know how to lie if she took a six week course in how to deceive people. (As an aside, OMFG, I totally know some people who would be perfect instructors for that course! I could tell them about it and they could set it up, charge good money for it and I could take a cut. I would be rich…anyway, I digress)
Obviously, my girl is feeling heartbroken and a bit flabbergasted by this and when we talked about it the other day, I reminded her that people see what we want to see and we believe what we want to believe, so no amount of trying to convince this member of her family that she is actually pretty damn amazing is going to make a lick of difference. Her family member has known her his entire life and he knows – let me repeat that, HE KNOWS – what kind of person she is. He has experienced her loving kindness more times in his life than he can count and he is obviously letting other people twist his perception of who my girl is. Despite this, nothing she does will change anything because only he can change the way he sees her. We talked about how we are the ones responsible for how we react to things and if we let other people’s opinions of us bring us down, it our own fault if we feel like shit about it. The only person that matters at all in our perception of self is ourself. Does that make sense? I basically said that if I feel that I am a good person and I feel that I am proud and happy to be who I am, then who the eff cares what others think of me. People always say that life is short, but, in reality, life is a fairly long journey for most of us and if we spend our time always worrying about how other people see us, we are going to spend a very long time missing all the good parts of ourselves and enjoying our lives.
My solution: Does she want to waste her breath trying to convince him that she is all the amazing and wonderful things that she is or does she want to be happy and live her life? (this is the “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” mantra I’ve been using for months). Just let it go and don’t dwell on it. Live her life knowing that she feels good about herself and that’s all that matters. If her family member wants to feel like she’s a lying bully, that’s his problem.
Life is simple – choose happiness, choose love, be kind. Don’t make it more complicated than it has to be. And be grateful that you’re not an asshole!
Have a great day, my friends. I wish you all enough…