Why do I allow life to make me so bitchy?

Okay, I admit it! Life has not been all sunshine and rainbows this past week. In fact, as I said to a friend the other day, the stench of bullshit has clung heavy in the air while the skies have ominously foretold the coming of a shitstorm all week long. Ha! I can be so cryptic when I don’t want to tell Joe Public exactly what I’m talking about. To put it another way, this person I know who enjoys stretching the truth for her own personal gain (a gain none of us can seem to figure out yet) did a lot of stretching and created a lot of turmoil in a lot of lives over pretty much nothing. It was actually pretty admirable to see how well she can work people, but not so fun to watch the aftermath, the resulting conflicts, the craziness that ensued. I spent the better part of a week getting to the bottom of a lot of deception (with a few of my other “detective” friends) and now my body hurts all over, my mind feels a bit fried and I’m crankier than my old Grandma Ada, who used to finger people while driving and tell them to go fuck themselves. I miss Gma Ada. She was always honest about how she was feeling and what she was thinking.

So, here I’ve been, all day, comtemplating why I let the snags of life get to me and why I can so easily forget that I don’t have to take other people’s crap to heart. I can always make the choice to let trivial BS roll off my shoulders and just keep a calm mind and heart, but every few weeks, I let someone, some asshole usually, in and it wreaks havoc on my psyche. I buy into their BS, I get worked up, the effect snowballs into all other areas of my life and then, at the point where I feel like I
might lose my shit, a spiritual slap in the face comes from out of nowhere and the words, “Stop being such a dumb ass” appear in my mind. Suddenly, I see all the negative pathways I’ve been happily trodding down for a few days and I realize what’s happening. I’m not 100% sure, but I think Gma Ada or my mom might be reaching out from the other side to slap me upside the head and bring me back to a better headspace. Even though they are gone they are still saying it like they see it and I’m not the least bit surprised.

I read a blog today about how we never really know what’s going on in people’s lives, so we should try harder to be more kind to everyone. I get this. I do this. Most of the time. There’s the rub. Sometimes I genuinely believe someone is a total douche and find myself feeling zero sympathy for their poor, and often destructive, behavior. I let that behaviour get to me. I find myself taking action to protect others from their douchebaggery. But it always takes me awhile to stop and think that maybe, just maybe, something is going on with them that could be causing them to be less than pleasant. Even then, I sometimes find it hard to accept that this could be the case – especially if a person is a DBag on a regular basis. But, really, I don’t have a clue what makes other people tick. I only fully understand myself and how I tick. That should be good enough. I can protect myself from others by controlling my own reactions, but I can’t control what anyone else on the entire planet does. This is a constant life lesson for me – one I’ll probably be learning for the rest of my life.

However, knowing this and continually re-learning this lesson, I still can’t help wondering why I let life get to me and allow myself to get bitchy about it. What’s it going to take for me to just stay in a zen-like state and choose to be happy every time instead of nine times out of ten? How much life experience, personal tragedy, heartache and happiness does it take until a person finds the right balance and lets most of the BS go to embrace the good, the kind and the peaceful? I wish someone could give me the answer to this question that constantly crops up again and again and again.

I mean, it’s one thing to know that you should always choose happiness over bullshit, but it’s another thing entirely to put it into regular practice and stay consistent with it.

Some heavy, universe type questions for me to think on. I suspect that that answer already lies within and that I just have to discover where it’s hiding, but for now I’d love to hear feedback, suggestions, worldly answers to my question.

Goodnight, my friends! I wish you all enough…

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