I’m an insecure crocodile! Fuck Yeah!

You know that song by Bruno Mars where he just wants to lay around all day in his PJs and have really nice sex? That’s me today. I am literally wearing PJs and just had sex. Then I drank a beer and surfed some FB and now I am blogging because it’s been awhile since I’ve heard the sound of my own voice…so-to-speak…and we all know how much this girl likes the sound of her own voice! 😉

So, yahhhhh, did ya’ll know Mercury is in retrograde right now? Are you all feeling the effects of it as much as I am? Have you all misinterpreted someone’s words, actions, or writing in the last couple weeks and really let it get to you? Is shit breaking around your house or in your vehicle? Are you feeling “off”? Are you spending your time wondering, “What the FUCK is next, universe? Do you have it in for me right now?”? Well, if you have, trust me, you are not alone, homie!

The world is all out of whack right now, but on some level, I am actually enjoying the upheaval because it is making me acutely aware of my gut reactions to everything. Did he mean that the way I think he did? Was that person really ignoring me or giving me the cold shoulder? Basically, Is my gut on right now or way out there in left field? The result of being hyper-aware is that I have learned a few things about myself in the last two weeks that I’ve never caught on to before.

Firstly, I don’t spend 1/10th as much time overthinking as I used to before I got sick and had an NDE. Now if my gut causes me to ask myself a critical question, my mind answers decisively and quickly. I no longer doubt what my gut is telling me. It has freed up a lot of the time I used to spend overthinking, well, everything, and constantly second guessing myself and imagining new and more inventive dialogues with people in my head (ie. I should have said this or that). This whole Mercury sitch has helped me to hone my gut and mind connection. Woo freakin’ hoooooo! For example, today I had a vibe from someone that I just couldn’t accept, but when I asked myself if I was feeling what my gut said I was, there was an immediate and resounding YES. Well, alrighty then.

Secondly, since my gut is overly sensitive right now, I am spending more time introspecting. Last week, my brother told me that ALL of my Facebook posts make me seem really insecure. While I wholeheartedly disagreed with him, I still listened and I still gave his opinion some thought after we talked about it. Let’s face it, NOBODY wants to be told something negative about themselves. NOBODY wants to hear shit like, “You’re insecure, so you post on Facebook all the time to make yourself shiny, so everyone will look at you and think you have a perfect life.” And, no, those were not his words, but that is the gist of what he was saying.

I actually contemplated sitting down and reading through my last year of posts, just to see if they “scream insecurity” as Mike told me they do. The contemplation lasted about 5 minutes and then my extremely loud inner voice (it’s even louder than my outer voice!) yelled, “BITCH, PLEAAAAASE!” and I came to my senses. It seemed to me that someone who deems that ALL of my FB posts show my insecurities: A) Has WAY too much time on his hands and B) Is being really fucking judgemental.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

What I suspect I would see if I looked back through the last year of my posts is a gal on a journey-spiritual and otherwise-who was wearing her heart on her sleeve, not pretending things were awesome when they weren’t, working hard to be more positive, more accepting, less judgemental, and more understanding…and sometimes failing miserably at all those things, and posting regularly to maintain a connection to the world.

After all, I do spend an inordinate amount of time in front of a computer/ipad/phone screen due to the nature of my business, so connecting with real live people – especially if I’m smack dab in the middle of a giant edit – isn’t always possible. Sometimes, FB is the only connection I have with people, other than my husband, for days at a time. And, also, as much as FB can feel like a brutal addiction, it is also my saving grace and reminds me that I’m not alone in the world and there hasn’t been some sort of apocalyptic catastrophe while I’ve been removing the dark hair above a woman’s lip or the razor burn along her bikini line. Really, FB is just a really handy bonding tool for other people in the world who are also stuck in a technology loop.

I feel your pain, FB friends, and I will keep posting to let you know I’m alive and well, even if my 8 bazillion insecurities show in every single post I make.

Also, my life is perfect and I really post on FB so everyone will think I’m the coolest and will want to be just like me. My numerous and incessant posts are basically creating a “Jo is Awesome” fanclub without the awkward extra step of having one of my friends secretly create it for me to throw people off the truth of my need for a fanclub in the first place.

So, to wrap this up, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version of this blog:
1) Mercury in Retrograde has been a bitch to deal with, but has made me more intuitive and more decisive;
2) My brother thinks I’m insecure and that I post on FB a lot to bring attention to myself. The truth is, I am just making it easy for Joe Public to join my “Jo is Awesome” fanclub without going through the trouble of embarrassing myself by asking my friends to create a fanclub for me;
3) I clearly don’t have any “real” friends because I spend a lot of time posting on FB. Therefore, having a friend start a fanclub for me is probably moot anyway.
4) This fact doesn’t make me any less cool;
5) This message was approved by my dog, some pretty sweet wheat beer (sorry Celiac friends. None for you.) and a stubborn refusal by part of my brain to get off my ass and make a delicious beet salad out of the stuffs from my garden.

In the words of a famous reptile I once met, “I’m an insecure crocodile. Fuck yeah!” Well, it went something like that, anyway!

Just to reinforce this concept, I am including a pic of a sign that was created for me by the hilarious and talented Kelly Norwood of Kelly’s Kustoms Pinstriping…and a picture of my MVP trophy from a month ago…because I am insecure and need you all to know just how awesome I really am.

A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

Enjoy the long weekend.

One love.

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