Oh, weddings! How I’ve missed you!
A few months ago, when I sat down with the intention to choose my favorite wedding photos from the last 10 years and blog about them, I had no idea it would turn into such an emotional roller coaster. I found myself laughing hysterically, blubbering about the best sappy moments, giggling at remembered speeches, snorting at dance floor shenanigans, and energized by my work. It was the first time I’ve truly realized what an impact my own photos (and those of my regular second shooters) can have, even on me. Every time I opened a new wedding, it was as though I were right there again, re-living the moments and feeling all the feels.
I have seen a lot in ten years of shooting weddings, some of it hilarious, some of it unbelievable, some of it heart-wrenching.
There was that time a couple bridesmaids got into a fist fight over who the bride loved more; the groom who dropped the rings over the side of a boat and then one of his groomsman took off all his clothes and dove to retrieve them…in November; the mother of the bride who got so hammered she fell backward on the dance floor and flattened the band’s equipment in spectacular fashion; the officiant who farted, really loudly, in the middle of the ceremony in a church, leaving everyone too uncomfortable to laugh…until I snorted and everyone let their guard down and had a good, hearty chuckle.
That one wedding where a bridesmaid actually pulled her cell phone out of her cleavage and started taking selfies in the middle of the ceremony until I snatched her phone out of her hand and shook a no-no-no finger at her, bringing huge guffaws from the guests.
There was also the wedding where I walked into a dressing room and found the groom making out with the bride’s sister (awkward); the father of the bride who died of a heart attack only one day before the wedding but my couple chose to get married anyway (and the bride’s brother walked her down the aisle and danced with her in place of their dad); the groom’s youngest brother who passed away a couple weeks before the wedding (in a workplace accident) and was given a place of honour (with his picture) at the head table where he would have sat, had he lived.
All of the stress (good and bad), the smiles, tears, belly laughs, awkward and intimate moments, and the days I would leave after working a 14-16 hour day, exhausted, but with a giant spring in my steps because we had absolutely killed every shot that day. It all came flooding back to me as I browsed through my weddings.
I honestly thought I was finished with my wedding shooting career, but feeling the impact my work has on me and realizing it’s much more intense for my clients, I suddenly found myself soul-searching for answers.
Isn’t this the epitome of why I loved being a wedding photographer?
Isn’t it amazing that I have the ability to bring people back in time to relive their moments as though they have just happened?
Were the long days of shooting, the endless hours of editing, the wedding-day stresses and troubleshooting, as well as the time put in to maintain client relationships, all worth it?
Yes, they were all worth it.
So what happened? What made me decide to throw in the proverbial wedding towel?
I’ve already written about the difficulties I went through after dying and coming back. I was an insatiable sponge that absorbed all the energy around me, positive or negative, and couldn’t wring myself out, no matter what I tried. Some days I felt as though I were actually reading people’s thoughts, not just picking up their energy, and it was horrible. I didn’t want to know what was going on in anyone’s head. Keeping up with my own thoughts and feelings was more than enough.
Add into the mix that I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was no longer in love with my own husband and was starting to feel like a fraud while capturing the kind of love I was no longer in. Eventually, after working such long, relentless hours (by choice, mind you), fighting off all that energy and ignoring all the signs that my marriage was pretty much over, I lost my creative self somewhere under my own depleted and confused energy.
So I quit. I walked away from something that I was really damn good at and had always enjoyed and convinced myself it was for the best.
And it was, for a time, but not anymore.
I’ve taken the pressure off myself to continue with full-time photography and switched my career focus to something completely different, so I no longer have to shoot 15 or 20+ weddings a year to make ends meet. Now, I can bring the fun and enjoyment back into my work! I can shoot when I want, for my own enjoyment and creative release and to capture all those magical moments that live on forever in a snapshot.
I’m amazed that this has come back into my periphery and that I have allowed it to so easily seep back in and inspire me, but I’m embracing and rolling with it.
And, before I leave you with a link to a slideshow of some of my fave shots from ten years of weddings, I want to send a shout out to the dozen or so clients who sent me messages letting me know how much they still love their photos and asking me to reconsider my decision to get out of the wedding biz. Your messages tugged on my heart strings, brought tears to my eyes, and made me laugh my face off (big, snorting, belly laughter). You guys are the reason I love this gig and your love and kind words were a turning point for changing my thoughts about this and bringing me around. You guys are fairly rad hoomans!
[SIDE NOTE: A couple years ago, I had a huge mishap with two hard drives and lost 20+ weddings from the beginning of my wedding career, so I’m missing a lot of great moments. That was a good lesson to learn about triply backing up wedding archives after I’ve shipped them off to clients]
The photos in the slideshow are not, by any means, my “best” shots, and they won’t mean something to everyone, but they mean something to me and will always make me smile my face off when I look at them. If you would like to see more wedding shots, you can visit www.jojohnson.ca/wedding
Slideshow can be found at http://www.jojohnson.ca/blog/weddings/ (sorry, it wouldn’t move from one wordpress blog to another so I had to use a link. 🙂